I'm SARAH Z.
Exploring the hard stuff, with humor. We'll laugh, we'll heal, we'll feel less alone.
Thanks for finding me and reading my words.
I started writing said words when I was doing clinical rotations for a Physician Assistant graduate program. I needed to document what I was witnessing; the 2am call to the oncology unit to pronounce a death, the teen in the E.R. who lost his hearing snorting heroin, the first time I was trusted to hold a scalpel in the O.R. or to present a newborn baby to her parents, all of the times I forgot or didn’t know things I was meant to know, and how it felt in my gut. The pain, hope, and fear so thick in the hospital you can taste it in the air...humanity at its breaking points. I found it exhilarating and confusing.
Then came infertility and miscarriages; my husband, Robb, and I trying to make and keep a pregnancy. I found I had to write about that, too. Each month, each cycle feeling like a failed lifetime. Meds that made me sweat and rage. Pregnancy, finally, but then blood. Empty and gone, and the hope, the future, with it. The experience of being a patient instead of a provider. The excruciatin grief and fear that it would only ever be grief. Another miscarriage, despair, doubt…I started finding other women who knew those feelings, who’d been there in those bathrooms with blood on the toilet paper when there shouldn’t have been, who understood life being broken up into 30-day chunks and everything depending on the results on the plastic stick.
I wrote, and it healed me.
I wrote, and it healed them.
Eventually, I had two kids, and I had to write about the exhilarating, terrifying feelings of pregnancy and birth, and parenting real actual human people (dear Jesus). I've changed careers multiple times, have taken apart and rebuilt who I am as a person. I've been married almost two decades (how. wut.).
All of this I have to get out; the messy, impossible, tender, aggravating, and exhilarating moments of life. We'll talk marriage, sex, parenting, mental health, career, woman-ing, aging, and injustice...all with a healthy dose of dick and fart jokes...because that's the seasoning in the stew of life. I don't make the rules. ;)
We are in this together. We feel less like failures, less alone in our uncertainty, suffering and fear, if we can share it. In sharing my pain and joy, I hope to give words to describe our shared experience.
l promise to show up authentically, vulnerably, honestly, and regularly.
Thank you for joining me,